Sexual Drive and Intercourse: A Male Authority?

         Changazi told Mortenson how he squared his dalliances with his devotion to Islam. Heading to his mosque soon after another Inge or Aiko wandered into his sights, Changazi petitioned his mullah for permission to make a muthaa, or temporary marriage. The custom was still common in parts of Shiite Pakistan, for married men who might face intervals without the comfort of their wives, fighting in distant wars, or travelling on an extended trip. But Changazi had been granted a handful of muthaa already since the climbing season began in May. Better to sanctify the union, however short lived, in Allah’s sight, Changazi cheerfully explained to Mortenson, than simply to have sex. 
        
           Mortenson asked if Balti women whose husbands were away could also be granted muthaa.
         “No, of course not,” Changazi said, waggling his head at the naivete of Mortenson’s question, before offering him a biscotti to dunk in his tea. 
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
         He told Mortenson how much he missed his wife, Rhokia. It had been nine years since he lost her in gaining their only child, Jahan. ” She was very beautiful,” he said,as they lay looking the Milky Way that was so dense it covered them like a shawl. “Her face was small like Jahan’s, and she was always popping up laughing and singing, like a marmot.” 
          “Will you marry again?” Mortenson asked. 
         ” Oh, for me this is very easy,” Twaha explained. One day I will be nurmadhar and already I have a lot of land. So far I don’t love any other woman.” He lowered his voice slyly. “But sometimes…I enjoy.”
         ” Can you do that without marrying?” Mortenson said. It was something I’d been curious since coming to Korphe, but had never felt confident enough to ask.
         ” Yes, of course, ” Twaha said. “With widows. We have many widows in Korphe.”
Excerpt from ”Three Cups of Tea” by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin
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          Sexual Drive and Intercourse: A Male Authority? Upon reading this book and hearing from a friend encountering similar situation have triggered this question on my mind! I have a friend who came to me saying that she was denied the rights to expect for affection from her partner as she should not be expecting for affection and it is something that’s given out of his will, whenever he feels like doing it. 
          I’m not sure if this is a global mentality that has seeped into mankind long time ago or if it’s just a social stigma pertaining some societies still, like people in the Middle East and conservative Indians all over the place. I can’t say that men from the West are different as I can’t judge what I don’t know. What has baffled me badly is the total injustice imposed on women on the rights to exhibit sexual desires, even from their partners. Living in a society which has believed that woman should uphold modesty and decency has made things worst. Such way of thinking has indirectly given men the way out from all wrong-doings. It has somehow granted them to do what women has been prohibited from doing. Take the ever-undiminishing rape issues in India as the perfect example. Men has continued to violate women as they are wallowed by chauvinism and think they could get away easily from the crime, blaming the women for being out at the wrong time and dressing indecently. 
         Any unfortunate events that happen to women are solely their responsibility. What’s more painful is some of them are even accused of enjoying the rape and not trying to fight the rape back. On the other hand, society has failed to realise that women, just like men, have sexual drives, as part of nature’s way of ensuring continuity of mankind, a necessity in life. Ladies being subjected to blames of being bitchy and labelling them as women of low-morale are just another sad case that has eventually succumbed to pure injustice and violation of women-rights. What privilege do men have to get away from the same sins that women commit? 
         Romance is something both women and men have rights on and it is not a ‘male-feeling’. A good relationship between man and wife is based on mutual understanding and fulfilment of each other’s needs. That includes sexual desires too. 
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9 thoughts on “Sexual Drive and Intercourse: A Male Authority?

  1. What if women expresses need to make love? Are they of low morale? Is it fair to think it's a guy-thing for the need of sex? What is the view of society on women and are they denied the rights to have such feelings?

  2. actually in extreme individualism even love may be criticised..as its just a dependency…some of the individualist say cloning will end up the love…they take love as only fucking …there is more than sex in love..a divotion..its a human character..without it there is no complete idenitity of human

  3. You are absolutely correct, Jasveena. Nowadays women become men's need to fulfill their sexual desire and they are treated much more like sexual toys.I think women must start to protect themselves by their own rather then rely on guys…

  4. My exhusband acted in this same similar way. I would go to him and be turned down but when he was ready I HAD to or I had to deal with the consequences (which usually included beatings). I think its horrible that societies support this and wish things would change. Its very very sad to see that it still goes on and cultures support it. I dont care if a woman is dressed in a string and walked around naked. It doesnt give any man right to assume he owns her or has rights to ravage her. Any real man would know what a woman is worth and treat her with the delicacy that she deserves. Thank you for posting this.

  5. Dear Adrianna, It saddens me deep inside with the fact that women are still the weaker sex despite the advancement in so many things around us. It HAPPENS everywhere, from a rural village to a modern city!! It still happens. Women has the rights to dress the way they want, I agree with you. It certainly does not gives any man the rights to be a dickhead for raping or harassing her! Thank you for the time to read this. Deeply appreciated. Take care

  6. Gone interesting views. I think being from the West, I see things differently. Sexual openness of women are accepted. Sure we have demeaning comments about them still, and wrong or right, they are mostly accepted. But women no longer have to wear dresses reaching their ankles. Or wear one piece swimsuits. Or sneak to the pharmacy to get birth control. As for the demands placed on women for sex, either as a type of payment or a symbol of ownership, I abhorr such behavior.

  7. Glendon, good to have your opinion on my thoughts! I think people from the West has always had better acceptance towards sexual openness of women as compared to places like Middle East. But when it comes to the question of who seems to hold the authority, I think the oppression on women is still there everywhere, may be lesser in the West but I think it exists. Sadly the ugly truth!

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